Here’s a few journal entries from today. One of these times I’m going to have to share some stuff that’s more polished. Hopefully sometime in March I’ll get to post some recordings - other than something recorded on my cellphone! :o) Until then, I’ll keep posting bits and pieces of stuff as they come along.

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Sometimes

And sometimes I can see
And sometimes I believe
And sometimes Heaven's closer than it looks
And sometimes things aren't clear
And sometimes I have doubts
And sometimes You seem very far away 

But in all circumstances I may find myself
You are the same
 and You are always there
And sometimes I just need Your arms to hold me close
And sometimes I just need to feel You next to me
You are the same
 and You are always there  

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

And this one is unlikely to ever become part of a song or a poem, it’s just a thought that came to me today… :o) Ever feel like this?

When I am being myself
Sometimes I feel like I stand out
And I don't like to
 take much space
 or make a scene 

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And one more… :o)

And I could
 argue with your argument
 or see your hurting heart
Sometimes I miss the obvious
Forgive me please 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

My roommate Scott is gone to Michigan this week to be with family and preach at his grandma’s funeral.

I wasn’t actually thinking of Scott (who would be glad to know this) - or anybody else in particular - when I wrote these lines tonight… Just about the ideas of distance and attraction.

Breath

When you are away from me
 the air is not the same
I hardly care to breathe it in some days
The spaces in between inhale, exhale
 are cavernous
As if I was under water
 and could never come back out
 to breathe again

That said, people who are looking to other people for fulfillment scare me a little. :o)

And one more thing. This idea has already been said about a million times in about a million different ways. It’s hardly original. I almost didn’t share this for that reason… I typed out this blog and thought for a little bit about whether or not to hit the post button. Shortly after that, I ended up on the front page of Yahoo.com and came across “No Air” by Jordin Sparks and Chris Brown… and then I really almost didn’t post this. ;o)

I guess the reason that this thought is so commonly expressed is that it really does seem hard to breathe sometimes.

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Here are a couple other things from my journal today…

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The following few lines were written after watching this movie on YouTube by Nathan Arnold.

I cannot understand the agony this world has held
 the agony You must have felt
There is no way to take away the pain right now 

But...
If You can give us water in a barren place
If You can give us life in place of death
If You can still give dignity
 to rag-robed queens and kings
I'm certain You can turn this thing around 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

And here’s something from early in the morning. It’s just a tiny piece of something more (that’s yet to be written). :o)

Did You wake me up
 just 'cause You want to talk with me?
I’m still a little tired
 but I’m so glad to hear Your voice

Today is Sunday and I got to thinking about being involved at church and in church-related organizations.

Those reading this who attend church regularly know that you can get very busy with church - even to the point of having practically no time left for anything else. I’ve grown up my whole life going to church every week - usually twice on Sunday and once on Wednesday evening. For a good chunk of that time I helped every week with the music, and that means getting there early for every service as well as coming in for a practice on another night during the week. (Sometimes Sundays don’t end up seeming very restful.) On top of that, if you’re in a Bible study or small group of some sort, there’s another night of the week that you’re busy with church folks. You could join the men’s or women’s group or a leadership team of some sort, add in another Bible study or small group for good measure, and have five nights of the week absorbed within the Church. I’ve been almost that busy with church stuff before. Sometimes you can become so surrounded by the church that you are effectively isolated from everything else.

There’s quite a contrast between that and my current situation here in Seattle. Not that it was a huge shock; God let me know before I got out here that this would be a time of clarified focus, with many of my normal activities trimmed out. The church I’m going to has a single service that is held a couple of times during the weekend; my roommate Scott and I tend to go to the Sunday evening service. Just one service a week, and I’m not even helping with anything at church. Given the fact that I often have to work or be on call on the weekends while I’m out here, it would be difficult to make any commitment at church anyway.

Now don’t get me wrong. I love being involved with the worship team at church back home. I love the small group I’m part of in Michigan; the people there are such an encouragement to me, and I miss them a bunch! We always meet with God in such a special way, and I look forward to that evening so much. (Earlier last year, I actually cut back from being involved with *four* small groups - they all had people I loved to see and share with - but that was a little excessive!)

Here’s another take on the church thing. Dr. Lance Wallnau (LanceLearning.net) talks about something he calls the Seven Mountain strategy. Historically, a large majority of Christians have focused on and centered around the organization of the church - either by vocation or avocation. Even those of us not working directly for the church often spend much of our time and energy at church or on church-related activities. On top of this, we tend to almost belittle other pursuits - thinking that going into full-time ministry is following the highest possible call. This mindset seems to be at least partly responsible for the position we find ourselves in today, where Christians have little voice in politics, news, entertainment, and a number of other areas. Lance talks about what could happen if each of us pursue the talents and dreams God has given us - outside of the church. Of course we wouldn’t want to swing from one extreme to another… However, he goes on to outline seven areas of influence that shape our culture: Religion, Family, Education, Government, Media, Arts and Entertainment, and Business. His advice is to become an expert in your field, a leader in your sphere of influence, and then use that platform - once you’ve earned the attention and respect of others - to change the world around you. I’ve tried to think about what this would mean - what this would look like - for a Christian musician, and it’s not an easy question. As with many other questions and balancing acts in the Christian life, I think it’s something that each of us need to seek wisdom and revelation on from God.

Anyway, what do you think? Should we be mostly involved with the church and church culture, or is it better to have more availability to be involved in the world outside those four walls? Though I personally suspect that the right level of involvement varies from person to person or even for a particular person at different stages in life, I’d really love to hear your thoughts on this!

During the past twenty-four hours or so, I got some new music software (soft synths and some other stuff), started using Twitter.com, and went to see the movie “U2 3D” (not to mention a big chunk in the middle when I was at work and another smaller chunk when I was sleeping).

The photo above is of the 3D glasses from the theater. The manufacturer was careful to mention on the inside of the bows that these are “Not Sung Lasses - No UV / Sun Protection.” That makes me wonder how often they have been mistaken for lasses of any sort, sung or otherwise…

Anyway, back at the apartment after the movie tonight, I demonstrated Twitter.com for my roommate Scott. He was quick to express the opinion that this Twitter thing could be very beneficial for me because it forces communication in 140 characters or less. It’s difficult! Already, I find myself going back and changing longer words to a synonym with fewer characters, removing punctuation, and any other shenanigans I can come up with to cram whatever it was that I wanted to say into that tiny space… :o) Yes, this is going to be good for me.

The movie had a lot of great U2 songs in it, and in some ways was surprisingly like what I’d imagine having some really great seats at a U2 concert would be like… except that you find yourself sitting down the whole time and aren’t being jostled by the guy jumping up and down next to you. Oh, and the music was too quite for most of the time.

I couldn’t help but think of worship a couple of times during the movie. For one thing, I experienced something like what happens to me when someone else is leading the singing at church. I often get a significantly greater flow of creative ideas coming to me during these times than at other times in the day or week. The first ten minutes or so of the movie in particular were similar to a worship service in that respect. Along other lines, there was a place in the movie (which would be easy to miss) where some of the people in the front row seemed to be making a bowing motion toward Adam, the bass player. That was more of a reminder of the sort of worship we shouldn’t be doing.

Anyway, though the movie was enjoyable overall, it did seem to be preaching a bit. U2 seemed to be trying to say that all religions are equivalent (”Mohammad is true, Jesus is true”) and that we should therefore all get along. I certainly agree that we all ought to try to get along, but I don’t think this is predicated on all religions being equivalent. The lyrics of Rebecca St. James from the song “You’re the Voice” come to mind. “We’re all someone’s daughter; we’re all someone’s son. How long can we look at each other down the barrel of a gun?” To me, this talks about the importance of living together peacefully and manages to do so without mixing in other messages. We’re all people. We ought to find enough in common in that to treat each other with respect.

Has anybody else seen U2 3D? What did you think of the movie? What about those who haven’t seen the movie; do you have any thoughts on good ways to pursue peace here on earth? To some degree, Christians believe that we will never fully realize peace on earth. However, I don’t think it hurts to try to make the world a better place while we’re here. :o)

I got my new music software installed on the computer last night and it’s calling my name… I’ve been looking forward to using it all day… even though I should be sleeping soon. Ok, I should be sleeping *now*. It’s the weekend though and I think it’ll be ok. I won’t be long… :o)

I haven’t started working on any music for this yet. If this is going to be a song sometime, it will probably need some more words. Maybe another verse or two. I have a favorite line below… and my friend Scott has a different favorite. I’d really love to hear from a few more friends on this - particularly if any of these lines happen to stand out to you (or if you have something else to say about this collection of words). :o)

You are what children believe
  and the old men have struggled to see
The God of both judgment and grace
Glorified in Your death 

And You have no beginning, no end
All of nature exists and is kept by Your word
God of ancient and timeless,
Both now and forever are Yours 

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[This first one is a rather fanciful and abstract group of lines and I'm not sure who it's about...]

I’ve held your open hand before
As heaven streamed across the sky
I’d like to spend some time with you tonight

With first the evening goddess set
We’ll marvel at the stars
And when she rises full
The silver dawn will bring alive the night

Let’s mourn the falling stars
And we’ll rejoice when daylight comes

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I have come to love this foreign land
Her people and her ways
But I will not forget where I am from
And I will be there soon

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All I want is You
I don’t seek for glory
I just want to see You face to face
To hold You and be held
The only thing I really want is You

To be loved by the One who is
King over all other kings
Seems such an impossible gift
Yet You give this to me every day

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I took a bit of time this weekend to work on doing a little writing. I got the start of a couple pieces yesterday and one today. One of the ones yesterday was a bit longer and the music is doing its best to be difficult, so I’ll refrain from imposing that on you for the moment.

I don’t have any great recording setup handy at the moment, so the following demo recordings were made on my cellphone using a toy piano in my bedroom… and I’m not joking. Really. Please be kind. :o)

The first one is pretty short and simple, but I like it anyway. Maybe it will grow some more words sometime. I hope so. :o) The next one is definitely going to need some additional lyrics before it’s done. I don’t think I like repeating the first three lines as the next three. I’ve been working on new content for replacing the repeat, but it’s not done yet.

…and a note on using the play buttons below. You might have to click once to enable the control and then a second time to actually make it play. (Internet Explorer is the only browser with this problem. Thanks, Microsoft!) :o)

Everything

Everything I am just wants to be with You
I can’t think of anyone but You
You are my longing and my satisfied desire
Precious Jesus, You are everything I need

Glorify

What have I been afraid of for so long
Before the earth was formed
You saw my destiny
What have I been afraid of for so long
Before the earth was formed
You saw my destiny

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
I glorify
Glorify my King

Here’s something from today… I’m just excited about what God’s doing in my life and all over the place lately!

Even when I'm tired it's hard to sleep
Can't help but see the things not far ahead
  and get a little eager
  to keep moving on 

I'm happy here but not content
I know You've got a whole lot more than this 

Take me to the promised land
Let me see the great inheritance
Help me bring the harvest in
Let me know the joy in all You've made
And we'll bring heaven down
Your will be done on earth

I was thinking today about some things I want. Not physical things, but dreams and desires; good passions that were placed at the core of my being by my Creator. However, it struck me that these desires - though not bad in and of themselves - were getting out of balance. They had begun to take the place that only God should have in my heart. I had been spending the bulk of my energy focusing on these things rather than seeking God first and let Him add “all these things.” When out of balance, even the pursuit of a friendship, an occupation, or a hobby can get in the way of our main purpose in life, and I don’t want this to happen - to me or to you!

Out of these thoughts, I wrote the following lines. (I also started working on music for these words, but this is still a work in progress. Hopefully you’ll get to listen to it soon.) :o)

Forgive my wayward heart!
I've sought so many things
  that may be good
  but are much less than what I need 

Let me seek only You
  Your face alone
May God arise in me
  and be above all other dreams 

May I not look away
Capture my heart, my gaze
  completely