I was talking to a long-time friend earlier this week who mentioned how they hate it when there are “gray areas” in relationships, elements of the friendship left undefined – so you don’t know what your standing is.
Years ago, I couldn’t relate to that feeling as much as I now can, though I always have liked to have things out in the open. I like to know the lay of the land underneath and around me. And I tend to want to do for others what I would like to have done for me. Yet there are people who don’t like to be told things directly, or who are not ready to hear the bare-faced facts (or sometimes even a carefully prepared and tastefully presented morsel of truth). And of course there are times and settings where some things are alright, and others where and when they are probably not appropriate.
So there are some people who will not tell you what they think about a situation or friendship no matter how much you ask them to do so. And there are others who just plain don’t want to know what you think about a situation, even if it could be very helpful to them if they’d be willing to be a little more receptive.
What do you think? Do you have any suggestions on what might be the most helpful way to approach either of these sorts of people? What tendencies do you lean toward?
Well, this long-time friend sounds very intelligent and interesting indeed!
Anyway, I haven't visited your blog in quite a long time so, though you know some of what I think, I will offer my additional thoughts on the subject.
I don't think it's always possible to have everything out in the open. I mean, as much as I say that I dislike gray areas, to achieve this in a relationship really takes an incredible amount of emotional maturity and, I think, somewhat of a thick skin. Take, for example, someone asking your opinion on a matter, usually something where the truth may be unpleasant. They say “Come on, tell me the truth, I can handle it,” but in my experience, most people don't want to hear the truth. They want you to tell them what they want to hear. And I find that this is how most friendships are: A lot of people telling people what they want to hear and not enough of what they *need* to hear. Certainly, there is a *way* to say things. One doesn't tear a friends ego down because it's “what's good for them.” But I, for one, will tend to shy away from that person who seems more intent on flattering me at every turn in favor of someone who speaks more plainly.
Not that I don't like to hear good things about myself but… there should be a balance
)
LOL. Good thoughts; thanks, Alicia!
LOL. Good thoughts; thanks, Alicia!