Ten Pages From My Journal Today

So at least one of my friends (probably more) will be participating in NaNoWriMo this year. I figured out a couple days ago that the equivalent number of pages for me to meet the requisite daily word count would be about 20. Today, I tried writing as long as I could - as an experiment and for the fun of it. I ended up slowing down around page 8 or 9 and really hit the wall at page 10. So the answer to the question of if I could *ever* write twenty pages in one day is, “probably not.” But as Scott pointed out, my sort of writing is quite a bit different from churning out a first draft of a novel in a month.

Thought I might as well share what I ended up with. It’s kinda stream of consciousness, but there are some nuggets that I should be able to glean and use elsewhere. My track record is much better for churning out first drafts than for refining them, but but I plan to reverse that trend in the near future.

Anyway, here it is. I’ve grayed the parts I don’t like as well. If you happen to like any of the lines, I’d love to hear which ones stood out to you.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Tell me stories you’ve heard

About cities so bright

You have to cover your eyes

Tell me only the parts you believe

No, tell me everything

Give me your news of the light

 

The morning has already gone

Bue I haven’t seen the sun

Don’t be afraid 

 We’ll make it through
 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

Don’t keep on using words like they don’t matter

Spend them carefully

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

Sometimes the stories that help

Are the hardest to hear

 

Open the door very wide

So the outside comes in

 

I’m still on eggshells

I can’t be myself

Why don’t we open up

Even the slightest bit

Let me inside of you

 

Sometimes the stories you hear

Are hand-me-downs

Tell me your own

And please don’t leave anything out

 

You could infer many things

and you might be so close to the truth

 

But can you believe your own stories?

 

I can’t be forced to do anything

Even the things that I’d want

 

There are times we can’t be friends because

You want to be something else

 

You thought the truth wasn’t easy

What about lies to yourself?

Don’t make it worse than it’s got to be

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

When you are a vagabond

All that you own is a burden

Tied up to store on your back

And I’ve been a stranger

Lived in this strange land so long

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

This is my day to begin one more time

Life comes up sudden but slowly

Give it air, give it water and light

 

I want to relax

But my tightly clenched heart

Won’t let go easily

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

The truth is, we aren’t very close

But I’d hate to lose even such friendship

Is it true that life always moves

And if we hold still we are dying

Whether we like it or not?

Don’t leave me behind

 

I worried about you

It was days between breaths

And I couldn’t hear heartbeats at all

Don’t lose hold of your thoughts of summer

While you’re still in a winter scene

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

What if so much of your thoughts just weren’t right?

Are you prepared to leave home and start over?

That’s quite a piece of ground to give up

Quit your complaining – why not start packing instead?

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

If you can’t give me life

That’s better than what I was dreaming

Don’t bother waking me up

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

Maybe I ought to know this by now

But I’m wondering

How much of life is a show?

 

Have you noticed

The silly things we take notice of?

So much that won’t matter a long time from now

But does that mean it isn’t important?

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

If only I could have everything

I’d get so much more done

With the life of my youth

And the wisdom I’ve traded it for

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

I know what the problem is

But I’ve got so much practice at this

 

How can I keep from avoiding you?

How can I stay without hurting you?

 

I love that you love me enough to be rough with me

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

When I start the flow

Orange comes out of these pipes

for a second or two

I love the comfortable creaking

of this old house

 

When the stars come out

with the light from so many years ago

The world’s slowing down

but it’s spinning enough for now

I love this comfortable house

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

I imagined someone but I couldn’t see any face

I thought you might be very different from me

Maybe that’s why I didn’t walk very fast

On my way to you

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

I’ve seen some of the future

But that doesn’t mean

That I know what to do

And if I did

It’s not always easy to do

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

Did you win?

Did you beat them all?

And are you happy now?

Sometimes we just don’t know when to quit

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

If I’m closer to empty

that might make more room for You

But I’m such a pack rat

I’m cluttered with so much I really don’t need

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

What if you have permission

to make every mistake in the book?

Would that help you to move

from that place you’ve been standing for days?

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

I almost forgot

But it’s been burning in some corner of my mind

 

Maybe I don’t know what I want

But I thought that I did for a while

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

Our mothers said, “Don’t be afraid”

But they shook while they tried to hold still

They rocked our cradle and sang songs of peace

While the world, they themselves, were at war

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

It seems I’ll stand

‘Till I can’t stand anymore

Though I’m aching to run

 

I’ve been training for months

Stretching all day

Maybe it’d help

If I just started walking

~ ~ ~ ~ ~